From the time we are very young we are conditioned to live in anticipation or preparation for the next milestone or phase of life. As soon as the average four year old kid heads to pre school, they enter a 14 year cycle of one year sprints in school. Every step you take is leading you to the next part of your incremental journey. There really isn’t a whole lot of major variation related to how these early years play out. Kids have to go to school and must do well if they want to be successful in the next stage of life. At the end of each school year kids can’t wait for their predefined three month summer break. Summer break is an escape from the long school year and it never seems to last quite long enough. At the close of summer vacation the cycle repeats itself.
If you want to be considered a normal and likely future contributing member of society, it is all but expected that you follow this school model. I’m not suggesting that this in itself is necessarily a bad thing. The school model has obviously led to tremendous advances and is by and large the path for an individual to have the highest chances of living a stable life. I’m glad that I stuck close to the narrow path for the first 24 years of my life and am in many ways better for it. I feel accomplished in earning my MBA and nobody can take that away from me. The point I’m trying to convey is that most of us are conditioned to believe that there is only one way. The thought of following any other path is not well regarded and will almost certainly be met with heavy resistance, as it should be in many cases. This cultivated belief that there is only one way often sticks with people well beyond high school. Believing there’s only one way forward can take a toll on a person.
Fast forward to senior year of high school and approaching graduation. Focus is quickly shifted to the next incremental step being college. The clock is ticking. What am I going to major in? What do I like? Do I even know what I like? This must all be figured out by the time the fall semester starts in three months. Even if you’re not ready for any of this, you must be ready for all of this. That’s just the way it is. The expectations have already been set in stone and good luck trying to convince those around you otherwise. Of course you do have the option of entering college undeclared, and many people do. Only there’s a potential problem. What if you still don’t know what you want to do after year one? Do you go another year without a concrete direction? How much longer will it take you to get your degree and how much extra money is this going to cost you?
Look, I know there are plenty of scenarios where kids get out of high school and take a semester or two off, but it’s far from the accepted norm. At your graduation party the first questions asked by your dad’s 2nd cousin (who you haven’t seen in three years) are something like the following:
1) What’s next?
2) Where are you going to school?
3) What are you majoring in?
You might not even be feeling the pressure consciously, but it’s deeply engrained in the way we think about life in the 21st century. We have been so conditioned to believe that we have to have it all figured out when society says we do. It’s a classic fixed mindset vs. growth mindset scenario. This rushed timeline often creates a ripple effect of rushed decisions. You get your degree and now you need to land a job to start paying back those loans. You’re 23 or 24 and now you should start looking for a house. Everyone around you assures you that renting is a waste of money. Now that you have the degree, the job, and the house, you need to get serious about finding the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with. You might already be with them. In that case, when are you going to propose? This arbitrary squeeze on time made sense 75 years ago in a world with less options. Times weren’t nearly as prosperous as they are now and there were far less options on the table. It was also a much simpler world. In today’s complex society dealing with an array of mental health issues, we really haven’t adjusted the way we think about our future in accordance with many other advances and changes.
I perfectly understand that this is not always exactly how it plays out. Many people follow a more traditional path and live amazing and fulfilled lives. I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with any of this if it’s right for you and it’s what you want. Some people don’t even have the opportunity to go to college and are forced to take any job they can to provide for their family right away. Deeper than any of this, there are people in real tough situations that the average person reading this can’t even relate to. Every situation is unique and there’s definitely no one size fits all answer. With saying that, I’ve also seen so many people suffering unnecessarily at the expense of these types of expectations. Without even realizing it, they’ve made rushed decision after rushed decision and they now feel trapped in a life they never wanted. Decisions are influenced by subconscious biases and the way things have always been framed eliminate many options before they can be considered.
On March 29th 2019, I worked my last day at my previous full time employer. Many people have told me I’m crazy for walking away from such a great opportunity. At 24 I was making a great salary, had nine direct reports, and travel opportunities that I used to only dream of. My future with the company looked bright and everything seemed to be going perfect, but I knew that I wanted something more. As great as the job was at times, ultimately I was unfulfilled. I wasn’t expanding my skills, I wasn’t in a position to build the culture I wanted, and I was burned out. In time, I knew that I was ready for the next step in my journey.
I decided I would take the necessary precautions and go rogue from the norm. I’ve taken a step back and removed myself from the cycle. For the first time in my life I’m seeing the world through a completely different lens. A lens where I’ve been able to slow things down and start to think about what I truly want out of life. The past four months have undoubtedly been four of the most rewarding of my life. Taking a major leap of faith and rapidly changing directions is something that most people never experience in life. In doing this I’ve learned a lot about myself and have been forced to grow in ways that I otherwise never would’ve conceptualized. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that having a stable salaried position that requires a college education is the sign that you’ve made it. Although this is a common metric of success used to evaluate a young person, there are usually more factors in play than meet the eye. It’s much more difficult to evaluate what the young employee is actually getting out of this experience (other than money), than it is to accept it as the end all be all and let your friends and family know how well you’re doing.
Words cannot express how grateful I am to have had the opportunities I did and I wouldn’t trade any of it for the world. My experiences working for a big company helped shape me into who I am today and I met many great friends along the way. Personally, I think I benefited from working for somebody else. I needed that structure and guidance just out of school. I learned a lot about myself, working with others, and the corporate environment. It would be foolish to say for sure that I could’ve easily just jumped right into my own thing and had any kind of success. Every decision, every experience, every win, and every loss has led me to this exact moment right now.
I sit here on the eve of my 25th birthday feeling truly fortunate to have this opportunity to chase my dreams and pursue the life I’ve always wanted. I can’t stress enough how lucky I am to have the support of my amazing family and friends. Without them, I wouldn’t be here and their love and encouragement is something I will forever be thankful for. When you suddenly stop receiving a paycheck you’re forced to face a new reality. The comfort of that check coming every other Friday starts to vanish and you’re forced to figure out a new strategy. In my case I didn’t have any immediate threats given that I had saved a fair chunk of money and limited expenses in preparation for this, but shedding that sense of security and entitlement has pushed me to grow and become more disciplined. I’m a far better version of myself today than I was four months ago.
I’m not exactly sure where this journey will lead me, but I’m perfectly okay with that. I’m playing my own game now and I feel more in balance than I ever have in my life. Achieving anything meaningful will require a lot of sacrifice, mistakes, and relentless work. There’s no guarantee that I will succeed on my own, but today I’ve never been so certain that I made the right decision in leaving my job. This certainty has nothing to do with money, materials, or tangible outcomes. When you take a step back and change your perspective you start to see that those things truly do not matter. Of course I aspire to build a huge company and to make a ton of money one day. Who doesn’t want to have nice things, travel the world, and be able to take care of those around them? As much as I want all of that, I’ve never been happier than am I right now with none of that. I want to impact the lives of others. I want to help create a better future. I want give as much as possible. I want to be all that I can be. I might fall on my face at some point and decide that I need to go find another job in a few months. I’m okay with that possibility. Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn. It’s the pursuit.
So take a risk and understand the possible implications. Travel and see as many places as you can. Talk to somebody you normally wouldn’t. Start a business. Make somebody else feel better about themselves. Party with your best friends. Stop being a victim. Own your actions. Stop partying. Wake up early. Talk less, listen more. Stop fronting. Start meditating. Take money out of the equation. Stop eating things that don’t benefit you. Give more than you take. Make some mistakes. Own every part of your life. Tell your family you love them every chance you get. Get better every single day. Stop judging yourself. Constantly evaluate where your habits are leading you. More intention, less reaction. Learn and grow from it all. There’s always another way. It’s your journey.
JS
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